Can’t Handle It

 

I’ve always had this idea that I can’t handle life as well as everyone else.  I am wary of putting too much on my plate.  In college, when friends were taking 5 classes a semester, I took only 3.  As a florist, I took 1 wedding per week and never worked on Sundays, when colleagues were taking multiple weddings a day.  I have decided that my hands are full with 2 children, while I watch others have 3, 4, or more.

Maybe I can’t handle as much stress or busyness as my peers.   I’ve always considered this a bad thing. I have some very ambitious friends and it’s easy to compare myself to them and conclude that I must be defective.  Or weak, or scared.  Or just an underachiever?

Perhaps that’s part of the story. As an HSP and a recovering perfectionist,  I am afraid of taking on too much for fear of slacking in any one area.  Sometimes I feel like I’m holding everything together by a thread. I also take everything so dang seriously.  Any small task, especially if it affects others, is done with much planning, intention, and preparation.  I wish I were more relaxed and spontaneous.  Wish I could just laugh at my failures and roll with the punches.

But there is a positive side to all this!  I actually respect myself for not overextending myself.  I know what I value in life, and that is my family, alone time to reflect and recharge, nature,  generosity and community.  On some level, I have always known that those values must be protected from the busyness and  chaos of the world.  Why would I take 5 classes?  Cram my kids’ schedules with activities?  Work to make more and more money when we already have enough?   I rarely burn out because I am so good about conserving and replenishing my energy.

So I’d like to thank my intuition for knowing what I can handle, weeding out what is not needed, and pursing with full-force the few things that mean everything to me.  And when life heaps more onto my plate than I would choose (trials and tribulations aplenty), I always surprise myself by being stronger, wiser and more capable than I ever imagined.

So I guess I can handle life.  I just handle it differently.

An affirmation I wrote in my journal is this: “I am strong enough and wise enough to handle the present and the future.”

Another one is:  “I face failure and success with courage.  I become more successful with each failure.”

Comments

  1. Shilpa says

    This is so true.

    And I connect with everything you’ve written.I quit a corporate job to become a freelancer and take usually one project at a time.

    Society has most always told me “It’s a bad thing” :). But I know what’s true for me. I also want to add that as HSP’s we are very conscientious, creative people. And this requires alone time.”Busyness” does not help us.

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